


Hard to Accept

by forgottenLiliy



Category: Final Fantasy Versus XIII, Final Fantasy XV
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-26 11:36:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9894881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgottenLiliy/pseuds/forgottenLiliy
Summary: Noct may never be the same again, but that doesn't mean he should give up on himself.





	

**Author's Note:**

> SOO..I have a lot of feelings on Versus, and one of my headcanons is that Versus Noct is more unhinged/darker then XV Noct? So I did my best to portray that here, that he is losing his sanity. Again I got inspiration from Versus leaks and etc, but I hope if you read this you like it and get feels just as I do :") Enjoy♥

Usually Noct would make order that they head back to the citadel, the best place for him and his comrades to conjure up plans against Niflhiem, but something was pulling him back from that. Most of the time he didn’t care about anything else, he acted before he even thought about his actions. Today, he let darkness overcome him. Not that it wasn’t the case as many other times, but it was really starting to overtake him.

Instead, Ignis and Noct took rest at an inn in one of the many cities in Lucis. Silently Noct sat as he peered out the window with a blank stare. One couldn’t tell if he was lost in thought or slowly letting himself slip away. With everything he had to deal with from the moment Insomnia was invaded, he has never been the same. So much more has happen, including the loss of two great companions. How was Noct to cope with this all at once?

“Highness?” A gentle knock on the door as Ignis slowly made himself present in the room. When he noticed Noctis not even slightly responding to him, he let himself in. “Highness.. say something to me.. anything..”  
Turning his head slightly, he didn’t even face him quite yet. He gazed far off before he let himself rise from the windowsill. When he did come face to face with him, his expression barley changed, but he spoke up at least. “Why? My voice that pleasing for you.” Tone dipped low as it always did, but the raspy aspect of it was far for present.

“You know what I mean.. I know I can’t make things better in a blink of an eye.. but you know I’m here to listen.. to talk.” His advisor never failed to amaze him. Not matter what, he gave himself to him without any restrictions. He was there to offer aid, and it seemed it was all of his own will, something he still couldn’t understand.

“Right, right. I know specky. I didn’t forget about you.” Walking closer, there was a bit of absence on his balance, not on purpose though, it was beginning to be natural with his current state. “And it seems you didn’t forget about me, which is sweet, but don’t waste your time. It will save you in the long run. You know I’m a lost cause.” Shoulders shrugged as a bit of laughter left his lips, but the room still fell silent for nothing was truly funny.

“You are not I assure you.” He spoke firmly, locking his eyes with his even if he wasn’t looking back. Ignis always made sure he appeared firm when talking to him, especially on important matters. So he knew he was serious. “Now please, I know you hide yourself a lot.. but at least you open up at times and I can at least get a sense of what ails you.. but recently it’s as if you shut me out completely and I’m worried.”

“Pfft, you’re always worried, and it’s always for nothing. I’m telling you, just relax yourself. I’m doing just fiiine.” He waved him off as he attempted to walk away, but his efforts were weak for his friend simply placed his hands on his shoulder to pull him back.

“Noctis, listen to me. I need to know what you’re thinking, what your planning. Last thing I need is for you to go off on your own and cause more havoc!”

“Why you scared?” For a moment one could see the red that blared in his eyes, causing the other to flinch as he leaned back a step. “Ha.. I knew it. You are afraid of me..”

Ignis held tight onto his own hands as he tried to make his tone softer for him. “No I’m not..”

“Yes you are! Just admit it!!” Finally he screamed out, his anger leaving his body. All his rage was built up to leave at some point, as it eventually did.

“…..no.” Was his only reply, probably not enough to help the situation.

“Just look at you. Shaking, can’t even face me. You fear me. And the worst part is, you’re stuck with me. You got no where to run right? All that guilt and pity you hold for me is why you’re standing here right now!” He didn’t want to admit it, but his heart was aching. For he knew the cruel things he had done, all the regret he held inside. Still, he did want comfort. Some to hold him, love him even, but he knew it could never be. Nor did he deserve it.

“That is far from the truth your Highness.. you should know as much.” Yes, Ignis was scared, but not of him, rather for him. He knew all to well that Noctis’ sanity was slipping day by day and it hurt him that he couldn’t put a stop to this madness. “I hate it that life just keeps playing games with you, that all the worst seems to fall in your hands and there is not a damn thing I can do about it. I want to help you, truly I do. Maybe if you let me more often.. I-”

“You what? Could fix me? Not likely. Just look at me.” The silence that fell between them from time to time was almost piercing, Ignis rather he say anything then let them suffer like this. “Look at this hands!! Stained with blood.. you know it could never wash away..” He brought them up to his gaze, shaking as did his best to not let his emotions fly too freely. For he be damned if he let even one tear escape him.

Ignis let his eyes closed for a bit before fully focusing back on his once more. Taking hold of the hands held before him, his grip was gentle. Even allowing his thumb to glide across his skin, his way of giving a small gesture of comfort. “They’re clean to me..”

For a moment Noct acknowledges the grip on his heart, but let go of it, not able to accept the feelings as true ones. “Don’t fucking lie to me.” Pushing him away without question, his arms fell to his side now, but Ignis still starred upon him.

“I would never lie to you.” He admit he was hurt, but only because Noctis didn’t believe him. Why couldn’t he? He would never understand and why. “Tell me, you care about me?”

“What? What kind of a question is that?!”  
“Just answer.”

Noct was left on the spot, but he didn’t take long to reply. “Of course I do. More then anything… above all that has happened you stood by my side.. I’m forever in your debt.. I value your life above mine.. all that.. is the truth.” For once he spoke up, whole heartedly about what he felt.

Though he still felt pain in the fact that his dear friend didn’t value himself enough, he would cherish his words forever. “Thank you Highness.. I never doubted it. I too care for you very deeply.”

“Still can’t believe it..” Why would someone stick by a man who was so unsure of himself? So unsure of what he was to become. “But I guess I’ll just have to accept it..”

“You don’t have to, but I speak the truth. When it comes to my feelings I may be vague at times, but I fear now is not the time for that. For we may not have enough of it…but you are important to me.” He let his hands rest of his shoulders, for once catching the gaze of his Highness without even trying. “You’re the man I vowed myself to, the man I will aid till the end of time.. and the only man I’ll ever love.”

Once again, his heart seemed to burn at the feeling he was oh so not use to. Love… what he meant was simply as caretaker, as a friend right? Then why did Noct feel that it was something more? And that he was feeling the same. “What are doing..” His reply was not coherent, for he didn’t even know how to respond correctly.

“I love you, with everything I have.”

“No!! You’re lying..”

“I’m not-”

“Yes you are!” That was it, his breaking point. Not even knowing it the tears held back were finally falling. One by one they seemed to stream endlessly down upon his skin. “You can’t love me.. why would you? Ahah…now you’re just reaally messing with my head.”

“Silence!” He was the one raising his voice now, not to be cruel though. For just one look at the King was enough to tell this was hard for him to accept, just has it was hard for him to voice his own feelings. “You will listen to me understand? I know I can’t change your mind so easily but you deserve every bit of love this world has to offer. And I am willing to offer mine.”  
“But you can’t-”

“Let me finish….you…I don’t know anyone more deserving of true happiness…cause to me you are still the same old Noctis I met years ago. Though times have changed us all, I know your heart is still pure. In the end you wish to just end others suffering at the sacrifice of your own well being. One of the many reason I have come to love you.” He let out a long exhale of breath, surprising himself for that was the longest he had ever spoke about his feelings without breaking away.

Noct was still in a state of shock. Cheeks stained with his tears as his eyes darted all around the man in front of him, trying to find a hint that he was lying, but found nothing. How could that be? “You love me…you love me..” “ He spoke softer this time, attempting to fully grasp this situation he was put in. "You.. really love me.. ?”  
A simple nod as his forehead came to rest on his. Letting the tips of his fingers trace the ends of his hair, a smile was now offered to him. “You’re magnificent. You know that?”

Still shaking he felt his body go numb, a response that was natural for him when he couldn’t come to terms with what was at hand. Not only did he have love for him, but he shared those feelings in return. How? Noct felt he didn’t deserve the love being given, didn’t deserve to love another. But he loved many. What does it matter? He thought. If I love another, if I took hold of them and never let go, if I just accepted it all, would it change anything? He didn’t know, but he couldn’t deny it, so he did his best to respond as he could. “I love… I love you… I have loved you for many years.. heh… and you love me back, ain’t that something?” The same empty smile graced his lips, letting out a low snicker.

Ignis watched painfully as he knew that his majesty was slowly slipping from him, but that wouldn’t change his feelings. It only made them stronger, wanting to grip onto him and never let go. Who knew how long they could be like this together. “Highness..”

“Noct.” He said, finally calling him out. “Just call me Noct.”

“Noct..” He knew he was allowed to do so, but it was just protocol for him to casual use his status as a name. He took a few seconds before he could lean in even closer to him. Lips fell upon his, placing a bit of pressure onto them.  
Once again he did not know how to react. The sensation was so sudden, it hit him all at once. Was this affection? Was this natural when it came to loving another? It took him some time, but he found himself melting into him. Not fully kissing back, but accepting it.

It wasn’t long until Ignis went deeper and Noctis was able to grasp onto him, fully pressing himself against his body. “Ignis..” He whispered his name, tears soon making their way dow once more. He really had no control over them no more. He himself wasn’t aware they were falling. Ignis reached up to wipe them away. Holding him steady in his arms.

“Don’t leave me… don’t leave me.. say that you won’t disappear on me too.. okay??” He spoke as best as he could, blubbering a bit when he did. Noct hated appearing so weak, but not much could be done about it.

“I won’t Hig- Noct. You can count on it.”

“You got my back.. ?”

“Always.” Ignis laid another kiss onto him before embracing him fully. Noctis proceeded to sob, but a smile still appeared on his features. Even though he could not change much, and he knew Noctis was still suffering, the smile he wore now was honest. Even if it only lasted for a short time, the fact he could still bring him happiness meant the world to him.


End file.
